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Dear Mafia,

1. Honestly, this one is different. I’ve made two of these cards before. The first time was after we lost to Houston in 2020, and the motto at the time was pretty simple: BILLS ARE JUST BEGINNING. The second time was before the playoffs in 2021, and the motto at the time was also simple: THE ACCOUNTS ARE REAL. But this time, I’m not going to lie – I don’t have any mottos. It’s not about saying something over the top or about what we’ve done or what we’re going to do or anything like that. This time it’s more just a letter I wanted to write to you. To my people. It’s a letter about how I’m feeling right now.

2. Here’s what I’m going to tell you about Damar Hamlin, our brother. D-ham… he is one of those guys. Like, there are many types of teammates out there. There are many different personalities. But D-Ham?? he is one of those guys. He’s one of those easy to like guys. I remember his rookie year, we were talking about his clothing line that he started, Chasing M’s – he loves fashion. And I said to him, “Hey man. Never stay on camera without using your line. these cameras are rolling, no matter what…..and no matter how you want to think about it, you are a walking billboard, being watched from every angle. But you control who benefits from it.” It wasn’t a long conversation or anything, but from then on I always saw him rocking out in his M’s gear. And it impressed me – because not everyone who enters this league wants to learn. Many young people think they were born with the answers. Damar, however, is a learner in every way. On and off the field, he is someone who is trying to do better in life.

3. That Bengals game would have been a shootout, I swear. It had a big fight feeling to me, like you had these two heavyweight boxers about to trade crazy punches. In fact, the truth is: we don’t like them. That’s how we felt going into that confrontation. This is how we feel about none matchup in our conference, with any team that stands in the way of our goal. So it really was this statement-type game waiting to happen. And their fans were thrilled for it – I’ll give them credit for that. The weather was nice, the sky was dark (but with everyone’s cell phones on), they had “Welcome to the Jungle” playing…. it’s strange to say after what happened, but the energy of the beginning of that night was perfect. It came out of a movie.

4. Do you want to know what’s wrong? The knowledge you start about certain things. Like, if you play football long enough… there are things you just knowing, which are wild. I’ll give you an example. So when the defense is out there and we’re on the bench, the O-line is on the left – which means we can’t always see what’s happening on the field. And because of that, after a while you start to discover the flow of a game with just its sounds. Like I know the exact sound a stadium makes after a first down, a touchdown, a sack, a turnover or whatever. But the tricky part is that I also know the exact sound a stadium makes after a player is injured. And probably more confusing is that if you add a visual element I will know what is the injury – just by the way someone is lying in the field. For example, he’s moving his feet, or he’s moving his arms, or his fingers are doing something, or he’s lying this way, that way, his stomach, his back, and so on. All these movements and things remind me of injuries I’ve seen before. But I’ll be honest: I don’t ever saw a player go down like D-Ham went down. None of us had. We keep hearing, “He’s not breathing. He’s not breathing. He’s not breathing.”

5. One image I’ll always have in mind from that night is seeing our two coaches talking. This stood out to me. I think this goes back to what I was saying about the Bengals earlier – and I wasn’t lying! This is enemy territory. But that just goes to show how different that was, because once it became what it became with Damar, nobody cared more about that other shit. Our trainer and their trainer got together. Our players and their players got mixed up. And not even just mixed. bro we were cry together. Like, ugly tears cry. It’s hard to explain if you haven’t played football…..but to go from where the atmosphere was in that game, just insanely hostile, to where we were seconds later with those guys?? This doesn `t happen. Their fans scream for them too – on a dime they’ve gone from “we hate you” to “we’re praying for you”. Maybe that seems like obvious human behavior in that situation, but a lot of behavior can seem obvious and human in those situations and then it doesn’t happen. So I don’t take Cincy for granted. Greetings to all your city. Their football team can joke around and find out if they see us in the playoffs, but salute the whole town.

6. I also want the mob to know something about Sean McDermott. It’s not that he didn’t have my respect before, because he did. But the way he behaved in this D-Ham ordeal? He has my respect forever. You have to understand: when we got to our locker room, nobody knew what was happening. No one was talking…. it was just crying and silence. And it almost had to be, because if someone said what they were thinking, it would probably be, “Our guy just got he died in that field.” But at the same time, it’s still so ingrained in football culture to act a certain way. So I think we were all on edge with that. Like there’s a part of you right now that’s still keeping your game face tight, still keeping your focus on the #1 seed. But then there’s this other part of you that’s feeling shock and terror, because they just threw out a body from the field, and he is your brother. So it’s like these two wires crossed – and I think a lot of guys were feeling this without even knowing it. But McDermott stepped up, man did he. He put himself in front of the team and said we weren’t playing, period. He said no matter what the result, we are not playing. And that may not seem like a lot, but it is a lot. Because then, that’s permission to be a person. Not a player – a person. Trust me, there is a difference.

7. I haven’t said much about soccer in this article, and that’s on purpose for a couple of reasons. You can probably guess them. Mostly though, I’m just trying to keep it low-key. Enough has been said. But the Mafia knows what’s true. And the truth is: we’re all in. We’re tired of waiting, we’re tired of attacking the king and missing, we’re tired of knocking on this shit’s door, unanswered, for so long. We are keeping it SIMPLE in this race. Because – direct: It’s just football. Do you know what I’m saying? It’s JUST football!! And we’re better than these other teams at that, so we’re going to beat four of them and then have a parade.

8. A funny thing about going through what we went through last week is how you would imagine you would be having all these deep thoughts afterwards. But it’s actually the opposite. You have these very simple thoughts… you just have them much more clearly. As if you were sitting there, literally praying to God, and thinking to yourself: Anyone can leave at any time. Or, I don’t want my teammate to die. That’s really all you can process: the things that were always true – only now you need them to be true so bad. I haven’t spoken about it publicly, but during camp last summer, my girlfriend Daiyaana went into cardiac arrest. She was in California for minor surgery and they had to get her under control. But I think her body had a bad reaction to the medication they used which caused her heart to stop. Fortunately, the doctors were able to retrieve her and put her on a breathing tube, and after a few days in a coma, she turned out to be fine. But it’s the scariest experience I’ve ever had – just knowing, like, for a moment that she was lost. For a moment, he didn’t know if he would ever see her again. Or if my children were seeing their mother again. And it’s been impossible not to relive all of that because everything has happened with Damar. Not just the aspect of it happening in real time, watching them shock D-Ham’s heart as he prayed to God for him to make it through. But also some of those feelings in the bigger picture, about what it means to play this game. Because we can put calming vibes out into the world…. and we can say reassuring things…. and we can have reassuring initiatives…. and yes, I can write reassuring articles. But there’s no way to sugarcoat it: what we do is fucking scary. And at the end of the day?? I just wanna get home, man. Just getting home safely to my family… that’s basically it. I appreciate everyone’s understanding and for letting me be honest here. It’s the honor of my LIFE to represent this city, it really is. We’re about to give these playoffs ALL our business. But sh*t weighs a lot right now – and I’m working on it. See you Sunday. I love you guys. You already know.

—Dion