Goncharov: Why did the internet invent a fake Martin Scorsese movie? 🇧🇷 Martin Scorsese
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Sian, I’ve been hearing a lot about a Martin Scorsese film called Goncharov. But I’ve never heard of a Martin Scorsese film called Goncharov. What’s happening?
Oh yeah, there’s been a lot of talk on Tumblr about the greatest mob movie ever made.
Released in 1973, Scorsese’s little-seen film starred Robert De Niro as Goncharov, “a former discotheque owner who comes to Naples after the fall of the Soviet Union” with the goal of becoming a mob boss. Harvey Keitel plays Andrey (or Andrei) “The Banker” Daddano, with an eyepatch; Gene Hackman plays Valery Michailov; Al Pacino appears as Mario Ambrosini and Cybill Shepherd plays Goncharov’s wife Katya. Apparently it was pretty good and has been added to the Criterion Collection.
And you’ve never heard of it because it doesn’t actually exist.
What.
Then, a few years ago, a Tumblr user posted a photo of some “fake boots” they ordered online with a very strange tongue tag: “The greatest mob movie ever made. Martin Scorsese presents GONCHAROV. Produced by Domenico Proccacci. A film by Matteo JWHJ0715. About the Mafia in Naples.
This was largely ignored until 2020, when another Tumblr user reblogged a comment made on the original post, reading: “this idiot didn’t see goncharov”. Like the good lord himself and the Guardian’s coffee machine, the internet works in mysterious ways; Earlier this month, Tumblr user beelzeebub made a fake poster for the film, tens of thousands of people suddenly shared it, and lo and behold, a new Scorsese movie was born.
“,”alt”:”A fake movie poster for a made-up film, Goncharov by Martin Scorsese. The poster reads: Martin Scorsese presents Goncharov. A film by Matteo JWHJ 0715. A tagline underneath says: Winter comes to Naples, while underneath a composite showing Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Gene Hackman, Harvey Keitel, John Cazale and Cybill Shepherd in various roles, text says ‘The greatest mafia movie ever made’ and A Domenico Proccacci production”,”index”:7,”isTracking”:true,”isMainMedia”:false,”sourceDomain”:”assets.tumblr.com”}”>
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“,”alt”:”A post by Tumblr user hanniecat922 which shows another post by Tumblr user nemesis-is-my-middle-name that reads: bitches will be like “my ot3 [heart emojis]” and it’s a woman who could murder them, a guy who hasn’t had good night’s sleep in six years, and another guy who almost got both of the other two murdered. it’s me i’m bitches. Underneath the post are three pictures of Cybill Shepherd, Robert De Niro and Al Pacino respectively, with text overlaid on each. The first reads “woman who could murder them”; the second reads “a guy who hasn’t had good night’s sleep in six years”; the third reads “another guy who almost got both of the other two murdered””,”index”:8,”isTracking”:true,”isMainMedia”:false,”sourceDomain”:”assets.tumblr.com”}”>
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So Tumblr just invented it?
Yea! And like all the best jokes, people really committed to the part. There’s the movie poster, which has the tagline “greatest mob movie ever made.” A music teacher in Indiana composed a theme song for Goncharov, inspired by The Godfather. There’s also a cash-in video game, with an accompanying soundtrack and a fake VHS. “Academics” wrote essays analyzing the film, which were published in (fake) film magazines. A representative for movie review platform Letterboxd even told the New York Times that they had to remove several user-submitted reviews of the film.
“,”alt”:”A Goncharov film poster made by Tumblr user cloudmancy which shows a stylised illustration of a man in a suit with the sleeves rolled up, on the ground on his hands and knees in a pool of blood. In his left hand he holds a gun. Blood is also dripping from his face, which can be seen reflected in the pool of blood. Positioned above the illustration is a title reading “Goncharov” with the letters arranged in a curved line; at the midpoint, there is an illustration of a huge semi-automatic rifle pointing downwards at the man. Underneath the poster, the Tumblr user has written “‘You see it, don’t you? You’ve become a monster too.’ What if that one iconic backstory scene in goncharov (1973) after he makes his first kill but as a movie poster” “,”index”:11,”isTracking”:true,”isMainMedia”:false,”sourceDomain”:”assets.tumblr.com”}”>
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“,”alt”:”A Goncharov poster made by Tumblr user leona-florianova which is purportedly styled after 1970s Czechoslovakian design, with red and green block colouring and some abstract details overlaid on Robert De Niro’s face”,”index”:12,”isTracking”:true,”isMainMedia”:false,”sourceDomain”:”assets.tumblr.com”}”>
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People created mood boards, used scenes from other films to create Goncharov gifs, and drew fanart of the best scenes (apparently there’s one involving a boat) and their favorite “ships” or romantic partners. This being Tumblr, a lot of the fanart is pretty weird; apparently, Goncharov and Keitel’s character Andrei has a lot of sexual tension. And somehow, in the space of a few weeks, there are already over 500 Goncharov fanfics posted on the Archive of Our Own fanfiction site.
“,”alt”:”Digital paintings of fake Goncharov scenes by Tumblr user shouty-y; the first shows a woman standing on a balcony looking down at the camera with the subtitle “Long time no see, Katya”. The second is an extreme close up of a man’s eye with a clock face reflected in the iris, with the subtitle “Your time is up, Goncharov”. The third is a streetscape at dusk with the facades of buildings only slightly illuminated by light from yellow streetlamps. In the distance a clocktower can be seen, as well as statues on the eaves of rooftops, while in the foreground appears the dark silhouette of a man wearing a coat and a hat. The subtitle reads [muffled jazz music plays in the background]. The fourth is a close-up of a blonde woman’s face, on the right side of the screen looking left to something off-screen. She is upset and has smears of blood on her cheeks. Behind her the sea is visible as well as a half-moon. The subtitle reads “Sofia?””,”index”:14,”isTracking”:true,”isMainMedia”:false,”sourceDomain”:”assets.tumblr.com”}”>
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Does Scorsese have anything to say about this?
Not yet — it’s hard to imagine Scorsese even knows what Tumblr or uploading is, but I feel he could enjoy the excitement surrounding it all.
But Wonder Woman and all-time hottie Lynda Carter posted two black and white photos of herself and Henry Winkler captioned it, “Me and ‘The Fonz’ at the premiere of Goncharov (1973) at Grauman’s Chinese Theater.” The image is actually from the 1977 Golden Globes.
Even Tumblr itself joined in, tweeting: “Goncharov was inexplicably ahead of this [sic] time and his contribution to cinema is remarkable. Rarely does one film tell so many diverse but interconnected stories. Hard to imagine that so few people have seen it.”
This week, Goncharov was the #1 trending topic on the platform. Scorsese was second.
“,”alt”:”In a way Goncharov (1973) really is the greatest gangster movie ever made. There are thousands of people dreaming up their own versions of this movie. With more plot threads than could ever actually fit into a 2 hour movie. No actual film could ever compare to the imagination of a million strangers and that’s weirdly beautiful.”,”index”:22,”isTracking”:true,”isMainMedia”:false,”sourceDomain”:”assets.tumblr.com”}”>
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I think the last question to be answered is… why?
Like Ratatouille: The Musical (a fake musical based on the movie that ended up being made, after people started building a single song posted on TikTok) and Demi Lovato’s twin sister, Poot Lovato (just a bad picture of the singer), people just seem to really enjoy getting together to pretend fake things are real. While this impulse can lead to, er, sinister things that seem to be in the news every day right now, it also leads to sheer silliness – which, in my opinion, should be reason enough to do anything.
But somehow along the way, Goncharov has become quite significant: complete strangers, from all over the world, forming a community to tell a story and flex their creative muscles – simply for the joy of the joke.
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